New Rules

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Steve Goulet

Steve Goulet
Nov. 22, 2005 08:08 AM

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Some of you may have seen the email floating around entitled "New Rules". My favorite new rule on the list is this one:
  • New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half- soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
Web developers, site architects and content owners could use a few New Rules to observe. Feel free to add your own new rules in the comments section.
  1. New Rule: Trying to force me to look at your advertisement by sliding it up and down the screen as I scroll? I will boycott your product for the rest of my life.
  2. New Rule: Stop requesting my personal information so often. Do your really want me to fill out another form with false information just so I can download a stupid driver for my printer? Don't you realize that those 10,000 people named "asdf asdf" in your database are pissed off _former_ customers?
  3. New Rule: Stop assuming that I am interested in your flashy graphical display of marketing nonsense. My impression of your company is not based on your ability to render impressive vector art. Please reference Google's home page if your company needs a role model.
  4. New Rule: Search engine technologies are no longer a tool for you to force an advertisement down my throat. When I realize that your site has no soul and was specifically concocted to lure me in from a search engine, I will take every opportunity to slander you in public.
  5. New Rule: Expanding drop down navigation menus are challenging and fun, but we now have video games for that type of entertainment. Keep it simple and stop encouraging users to fail.

Steve Goulet is a Microsoft ASP.NET/SQL Server solution architect and developer